Facebook Woes

So, here’s my deal. I have conservative, religious friends on Facebook. I have liberal friends. I have friends and family who don’t fall into any tribe, or don’t give a shit or a kitten about anything political or religious. I like all these people, and don’t want to block all the people I disagree with, despite the fact that I disagree with almost everything they share politically. We should hear other points of view, so our brains don’t eventually grow stagnant from all the mental ass kissing we require from our news and entertainment. But much like taking Pepto Bismol and watching All My Children, it’s something I prefer to do when I’m sick. Because this is what happens when I attempt to have an informed, reasonable debate with some of my friends.

Randy Olsen*: when is Obama gonna stop his socialist program of forcing our children to eat the insides of marsupials!!!!

Me: you know, George W Bush proposed a similar program in 2004.

Randy: he’s also giving subsidies to inner city kids to wear their pants backwards!

Me: he’s actually not trying to do that.
And isn’t complaining about how kids wear their clothes kinda old man “get off my lawn” talk?

Randy: that’s irrelevant. Obama is in power now, he’s responsible. Koala meat is socialist!

Me: koala is full of rich, delicious nutrients. And I think your using socialist wrong.


Bill Facesneaker***: the fourth amendment obviously prevents the federal government from forcing anyone to eat what they don’t want to eat, whether it’s marsupial guts or deep fried unicorn testicles. Still, congress should impeach Obama just for trying to overstep his authority.

Randy: yeah, screw that guy.

Then, inevitably, I will be subjected to push notification after push notification of misspelled rumblings, and it’ll never be clear who exactly “Randy” is cursing. and I will be tempted to tell Phil that I plan to come to his house and dry hump his cat in front of his kids. And Randy will accuse me of being rude.

So, I am going to use some of those posts as a starting point here. I do not mean to attack anyone personally. I just see things, and I want to rant, and it’s hard to do that when I’m reacting to a photo that has 11,675 likes and 5,000 comments. I want to express my opinion, and I’d rather not do it with a bumper sticker or a click.

And, for the record, I totally support eating koalas and subsidizing pantslessness.

*not a real name of anyone. Except all the Randy Olsens who don’t know me.

**probably a real guy.

***his profile pic resembles a pair of Nikes with a mustache.

****I wish I knew how to do footnotes on WordPress.


About wombatdeamor
I am a writer who has yet to be published. I am using this blog to shame myself into writing more regularly, in the hopes that I will be able to improve the "About Yourself" box to something less awkward. I also like to cook and use profanity.

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